[ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 ]	I couldn’t read anymore. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. The rest of the pages were blank. I was in such denial, that I couldn’t even come to terms with my sexuality in my journal. It made me nauseous. a•ban•don 1. To give up by leaving or ceasing to operate or inhabit, especially as a result of danger or other impending threat 2. To surrender one's claim to, right to, or interest in; give up entirely. 3. To cease trying to continue; desist from I went to my parents’ room and rummaged through their photo albums. Half of me expected to come upon pictures with my face cut out, or simply not being able to find a single photograph of me. But they hadn’t done that. They had left the family albums just the way they were: all of us, standing together, smiling. I took them out, one by one, flipping through, reminding myself what my parents looked like, seeing how they had changed. But there weren’t any recent photos of them, no additions to the albums. That is, except for the letter I found, pressed in the back, dated six years ago. Dear Mom and Dad, By the time you read this, I will have already left. I’ll be on a train, heading to New York. I know my news last night must have shocked you, disappointed you, saddened you. Your silences told me everything. The past few years you wondered why I was so distant, seldom speaking. Well now you know what I’ve been dealing with, coming to terms with, realizing. I know you think everything is an explanation now. It’s why I played sports as a kid, why I played with boys and liked to get dirty. It’s why I never read Seventeen or wore make-up or played with Barbies. Some things are true and I’ve realized that. This is why I was so sad when Katie moved away. You knew we were close, but not to what extent. This is why I was in therapy. I think you knew that. It was why I watched that woman across the alley, but you probably didn’t know about that. It was why I broke up with Aiden after losing my virginity to him, but you didn’t know that either. But you didn’t need explanations for those things before. So, why do we need them now?